Double Feature: KITTEN WITH A WHIP, 1964, Universal, 83 min.

Long before sultry young wildcat Ann-Margret proved she could really act, she proved she couldn’t with this laugh-out-loud bad-girl cult classic all about, as the ads read: "Jody … the kicks she digs … the swingers she runs with … and the special kind of hell she can make for a man!" A-M plays a schizy juvenile-hall escapee who holds rising politician and married suburbanite John Forsythe ("Dynasty") captive in his home, smearing lipstick across a framed photo of his wife and pouting, posing, bumpin’ and grindin’ with her pretty-boy thug pals Peter Brown and Skip Ward (MYRA BRECKINRIDGE). Directed by veteran TV helmer Douglas Heyes ("The Twilight Zone") from his screenplay based on a novel by Wade Miller (who also wrote the novel on which legendary lost noir, GUILTY BYSTANDER, was based), KITTEN WITH A WHIP is jam-packed with faux-Beat dialogue, jazzed up by a sexy TOUCH OF EVIL-esque music score, and set afire by Ann-Margret at her snarly, vampy jailbait zenith. This one demands to be worshipped on the big screen – and we don’t mean in the remake Lindsay Lohan threatens to star in.

THE LONELY LADY, 1983, Universal, 92 min. Pia Zadora reaches bad-movie Nirvana in this tale of a would-be screenwriter who gets abused by every man who crosses her path, from garden-hose–wielding teen rapist Ray Liotta to impotent older husband Lloyd Bochner to sleazy nightclub owner Joseph Cali. Eventually, in this howlingly ludicrous adaptation of the Harold Robbins potboiler, she puts aside her Vietnam script to write a scandalous tell-all, leading her to an awards show where she memorably tells the crowd, "I’m not the only one who’s had to f--- her way to the top!" There’s not a costume, a prop, a performance or line of dialogue in THE LONELY LADY that isn’t side-splittingly hilarious -- no one will be seated during the shocking (and ridiculously over-the-top) nervous-breakdown sequence, during which Zadora takes a fully clothed shower, followed by typewriter keys and the faces of those who’ve wronged her spinning around her head.

Ineptly directed by Peter Sasdy (TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA), this epic stinker was a multiple winner at the Razzie Awards, which in 2005 nominated it as one of the worst dramas ever made.Trailer Introduction by film critic for MSNBC.com Alonso Duralde author of 101 Must-See Movies for Gay Men -and Stephen Rebello (Playboy) author of Bad Movies We Love.